When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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