can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
