My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
