You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
