I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
