whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
