I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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