He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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