So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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