Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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