Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
