my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize