wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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