He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
