Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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