Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
