New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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