The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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