I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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