My room smells like vodka and shame
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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