If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
