the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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