I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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