Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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