I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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