nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
