you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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