I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
