is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
