he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
