She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
