How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
