There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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