meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
