Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
