I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
