a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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