He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
