can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
