tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
