I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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