she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
