You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
