it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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