I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
