ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
