Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
