I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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