Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
