we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
