I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
