so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
