i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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