u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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