i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
