imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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