So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
