Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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