She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
