Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
