If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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