I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
