you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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