Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
