I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was born a porn star she said
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
