I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
