hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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