I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
