I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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