just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I would fuck him just for his dog
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
